"The End"

 April 7, 2021

Oakmont High School

Roseville, CA

Kellisa's first day of school.
Mandarin Oaks Elementary - Jacksonville, FL
August 7, 2002

Today is a sad day. 

Lisa and I will be attending Kellisa's last IEP meeting by Zoom. We've been doing these for 19 years and it's hard to believe our work with the local school district is coming to an end with Kellisa.

Kellisa loved going to school, from riding the bus to her classroom to wheeling around Oakmont High School delivering the mail. She loved everyone she came in contact with and they loved her back. Kellisa couldn't wheel anywhere without students and staff yelling, "KK" which was always greeted with smiles and kisses. School was Kellisa's world.

Like millions of other kids, her world changed when she was lowered from her bus on Friday, March 13, 2020. We knew her school was shutting down, but we were hopeful it would only last 3-4 weeks. Little did we know at the time that Kellisa would never return to the place she ruled. Besides missing out on daily activities and missing her friends, Kellisa missed her last dances, prom, and graduation.

She's been going to school since she was 3-years-old and earned the right to have an amazing last year. I know it's more important that we've kept her safe during a global pandemic, but Kellisa has always missed out on so much and as her parents, we've missed out on most of the milestones and joys of being a parent. We have to wonder, "WHY?"

We will be discussing Kellisa's options in the community once she ages out of public school next month on her 22nd birthday. We should have been attending and observing the different programs and jobs available to her to help us make our decisions, but that hasn't been possible. We know there were some amazing programs pre-COVID, but have no idea what they look like now, if anything is even operating.

Kellisa has been doing better than expected locked up at home for more then a year, but we can tell she's going a little stir crazy after spending her first 21 years going at breakneck speeds. We do have some hopes and plans for Kellisa once it's safe for her to venture out, but for now, we endure.

We've been holding out hope for a miracle so Kellisa could return to school at some point. Even though we've known for awhile it wasn't to be, reality is hitting hard as we prepare for one last sit down with Kellisa's school to discuss, "The End". 

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Staph Infection

A few things are certain in life, Kellisa catching a break isn't one. We had the chance to take a ride out to Lisa's work on Saturday, May 2, 2020. This would be only the second time Kellisa left the house in 49 days since the CORVID-19 lockdown started. The first was a nice little stroll through our neighborhood. As I was helping change Kellisa's shirt to get her ready, I noticed a large sore on her back. I recognized it as a staph infection because Kellisa has had it a few times in the last nine months and I've had it twice myself. 

The sore looked worse than her previous outbreaks and I would have taken her to a walk-in clinic since it was a Saturday afternoon, but I didn't feel comfortable going during the middle of a pandemic. I decided to treat it with warm compresses and triple antibiotic ointment until she could be seen by her awesome pediatrician.

I called Dr. Singh's office on Monday and described the sore and my diagnosis. Kellisa has always been well taken care of and this would be another example of perfect care. Dr. Singh offered to see Kellisa at 7am the following morning. The appointment would start before the office opened to limit Kellisa's exposure to other people. We didn't hesitate and agreed to this time and felt extremely grateful for the special consideration to keep Kellisa safe.

Even though it was early, we were greeted at the office building by a lady in scrubs wearing a mask. She asked us a series of questions, took our temperatures, and handed us masks. We proceeded to check-in from a healthy distance and went to the pediatric waiting area where we were the only people. Chairs and sofas were marked telling you where you could and couldn't sit to allow for proper social distancing. I barely sat down when we were called back.

Kellisa was so excited to see Dr. Singh, she keeled over with enthusiasm for a minute while giggling before sitting back up and blowing countless kisses through her mask. Kellisa is not used to being trapped at home and I realized Dr. Singh was the first person Kellisa saw up close besides mom, dad, and her sister in 49 days and it was a person she loved. 

After taking a culture to confirm it was in fact a staph infection, Dr. Singh was patient and asked how Laurel was doing and how we were holding up as a family. Dr. Singh shared what she knew about the virus and offered tips on how to protect ourselves. We also received valuable suggestions to help keep our sanity as this pandemic creeps along with no real end in sight.

Kellisa wanted to stay and I even offered to pick her up at the end of the day, but it wouldn't have been safe to leave her. I had to wheel her away against her will. Kellisa kept her mask on the entire time without a fuss, but started ripping it from her face the second her front wheels crossed the threshold to the exterior of the medical building. I think Kellisa made Dr. Singh's day and she never fails to make me proud and crack me up.

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Banana Peanut Butter Bread

Laurel made lunch today...Banana Peanut Butter Bread and it was amazing. With the bananas and peanut butter, it was hearty enough to make a great mid-day meal with a tall glass of cold milk. It seems like kitchen adventures have replaced our outdoor fun during our COVID-19 lock down. Here's the recipe:

Ingredients: 

1/2 cup softened butter
1 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup peanut butter
2 mashed bananas
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 cup chocolate chips

1. Mix butter and sugar.

2. Add eggs, beat.

3. Stir in peanut butter, bananas, flour, and baking soda until blended.

4. Add chocolate chips.

5. Pour into 5X9 inch loaf pan sprayed w/coconut oil.

6. Bake at 325F (preheated) for 70 minutes.

As a bonus, Laurel made a second loaf with Gluten-free flour and replaced half the chocolate chips with an 1/8 of a cup marshmallows. Both recipes turned out awesome! 

Gluten-free

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Chicago Italian Beef Recipe

If I ever find myself in a position to request a last meal, Chicago Italian Beef would probably get the nod with a side of pepperoni pizza. We were fortunate to have an outstanding little joint (Matty's and then Murph's) serving Italian Beef about a block away from where I grew up on the NW Side of Chicago. It was a treat to get an Italian Beef with fries as a kid. It was also a big deal to go alone with 50 cents and leave with "Gravy Bread" wrapped in aluminum foil. As I got older and eventually moved to the SW suburbs, we found other places with excellent Italian Beef sandwiches. In fact, I don't think I've ever had a bad Italian Beef in the Chicagoland area. 

Eventually, we found Portillo's and they became our "go to" because they have many locations in the Chicago area. We moved to Florida in late 1999 and would always have at least one Italian Beef whenever we returned to visit family. After a couple of years a little south of Daytona Beach, we relocated to Jacksonville and quickly found Caddyshack, an establishment a half hour away, owned by Bill Murray and his brothers. They would fly Italian Beef from Chicago down every day. We would still try to have an Italian Beef whenever we returned to Chicago, but it was less of a priority.

We moved to Northern California four years ago and have yet to find a good Italian Beef place. I take that back, we did have a great sandwich from a food truck shortly after moving, but we forgot the name and have never seen the truck again. It was a husband and wife from Chicago who owned the business. We've had some horrible Italian Beef from a few places, even after they assure me it's "authentic" Chicago.

So, after five weeks of being locked down inside our house while watching family and friends post pictures of food, several made their own Italian Beef and a few who went to Portillo's, I decided it was time to attempt to make our own.

Day 30: COVID-19

Hopefully, every one reading this had a safe and Happy Easter!

We colored Easter Eggs on Saturday afternoon. Everyone was flexible and hopeful since all we had was brown eggs. We were all pleasantly surprised at how cool the coloring turned out, especially once they were dry. 

Days 23 - 29: COVID-19

This week was Spring Break for the girls and we stayed home. In fact, Kellisa never left the house and Laurel never ventured outside except for a few brief moments in the backyard. We never made any firm plans for the week, but there's a better than average chance we would have gone somewhere if we weren't on a lock down. The Redwoods and Grand Canyon were two places at the top of my ideas list. Hopefully soon!

The days continue to march along without a lot of distinction. We are fortunate to be healthy, working from home, and well supplied with food. Like many people, grocery shopping is a challenge with shelves half empty, but we're doing a pretty good job of making creative meals with what we find. Lisa is doing a great job of making sure we have vegetables everyday and some kind of fruit most days. This update will focus on the food...the highlight of Spring Break Week 2020.

Kellisa let me braid her hair one night and I'm proud of the outcome

Full moon over Roseville, CA

Little lizard living under our backyard deck

  

Evie enjoying some sun in the backyard

Laurel's mushrooms were ready for harvest

Mushrooms, eggs, sausage, and potatoes

Brunswick Stew, Cornbread, and Sweet Tea

Norm of the North (Family Movie Night)

Day 22

Day 30

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Day 22: COVID-19

Laurel has been growing food for the family and documenting her observations each night for school. Today, we were able to harvest the first batch of edibles from her mini-farm in the kitchen. We feasted on broccoli micro-greens and the box claims they have 9 times the vitamins compared to regular broccoli. Laurel made another amazing dinner with a little help from mom. We enjoyed wild caught salmon from Alaska, biscuits, rice, and the broccoli micro-greens cooked with bacon. Laurel was very proud of her harvest and meal. We ended our day with another family movie night when we enjoyed the 2010 movie, Megamind. 

Day 21 

Days 23 - 29

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Day 21: COVID-19

Hard to believe we're at three weeks for our lock down. WOW. I know this is unprecedented for just about everyone, but Kellisa is the one in my worries and thoughts today. She is the one most at risk in our family and we are doing everything we can to protect ourselves and her health. Kellisa has no idea what's going on in her world. She loves school with her teachers, aides, and so many friends. Kellisa also loves her bus driver and riding the school bus every day is a highlight. Then all of a sudden, she finds herself never leaving the house. In fact, she rarely leaves her bedroom. 

A quick reminder, Kellisa was in the NICU for the first 113 days of her life and then only really left home for school, therapy, and doctor appointments for the first years of her life. She was medically fragile and scared of literally every little sound. We stayed at home and couldn't even leave to go to a restaurant. So, Lisa and I have years of being trapped at home. I doubt Kellisa remembers these years.

This might be hard to believe for those who only know the adventurous and traveling Kellisa, but that girl didn't sprout until she was 5 or 6 and then really started thriving around 8-years-old. Outside of surgeries and a few hospital stays in the last 10-12 years, Kellisa has never been "stuck" at home for more than a couple of days. Like the rest of us, she's accustomed to being out and doing stuff. Unlike everyone else, she can't comprehend why she's stuck at home with her family. I'd give anything to get inside her head for a few minutes, but I also know that I probably couldn't handle what I would learn. 

My mind went in this direction when Kellisa started getting excited in her bedroom and calling out for attention. I entered her room and found her pointing and giggling at a flock of turkeys strutting their stuff just beyond her bedroom sliding glass door. With our small yard, the turkeys were less than 10 feet away. I watched Kellisa interacting with them and it was like they were putting on a private show for Kellisa. This went on for awhile and Kellisa loved every second. 

I was extra appreciative to witness Kellisa enjoying her encounters with nature from the safety of her bedroom. Hopefully, this will be over soon and Kellisa can get back to her life.

Laurel has been doing schoolwork every day and has had a couple of exciting face time sessions with her teacher, but today she had a joint session called "Fun Friday" with her classmates. She was so excited to see and be able to talk with her friends for the first time since this whole pandemic started. Laurel has been doing amazingly well, but this was a definite highlight and a much appreciated diversion during her seclusion. 

Not surprising, shortly after Laurel's class time, we learned the in-person school year was canceled for both girls. Laurel was disappointed because she misses her friends. 

After dinner, I spent a few minutes in the backyard. I noticed the relative quiet at 8pm and looked out to observe the clear nighttime skies free from clouds and airplanes. When I made my way to look straight up, I noticed the 78.7% moon staring down at me. It was bright and clear, but at an angle I wasn't familiar with from previous encounters. I quickly grabbed my camera to capture the moon in all her beauty.

Days 18 - 20

Day 22

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Days 18 - 20: COVID-19

Days are running together...here's a picture a day:

3.31.20

Laurel made the family dinner by herself with ingredients from a (Chopped inspired) mystery basket 

 4.1.20

Laurel is excited for an online school session with her teacher

4.2.20

Evie enjoying the backyard while I work from our deck

Days 16 - 17

Day 21

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Days 16 - 17: COVID-19

3.29.20

Sunday

I took Evie for a much needed walk on the Roseville trail system we can access from our neighborhood. The pace was a little slow, but it felt great to be outside. The trail was packed with people, but everyone seemed to be keeping their distance. In fact, most people would look away as we passed and only a few said, "Hi". 

Views from the path:

Days 5 - 15: COVID-19

March 18, 2020

Lisa and I celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary. Not that we would have flown to Italy for a romantic weekend, but we were quarantined inside our home on day 5 of our corona-virus lock down. We were all settling in to our new (and hopefully very temporary) normal. We were in the early stages of figuring out how to work from home while watching the kids and making sure Laurel doesn't fall behind at school. Kellisa is Kellisa, she continues to hangout in her room with Hannah and The Wiggles while reading scary books. Lisa made us a nice family dinner.

The frogs of Miners Ravine have been serenading me on my late night walks with Evie with the lack of vehicle noise to drown them out. We've had some interesting skies above with all the rain and cold made more eerie by the relative calm.

Day 4: COVID-19

The girls were trying to be festive in the St. Patrick's Day shirts Lisa purchased a few weeks ago.

The rain finally stopped in the evening long enough for a short drive through the country. Both girls (and myself) were excited to get out of the house. It was nice watching them act normal when we paused to observe a few animal along our path. I was hoping we'd be able to get out, but everything was too wet. Even though we weren't gone for long, it was great for our souls. 

Day 3

Days 5 - 15

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Day 3: COVID-19

Laurel working on fractions

I'm very fortunate that I work from home when I'm not traveling and since I usually don't travel out on Mondays (Conference Calls), today was like any other with a few exceptions. First, my anxiety is through the roof and second, Kellisa and Laurel were home. Fortunately, this happens fairly often for school holidays and summer vacation, so the kids are used to me working from the kitchen table and I'm used to some background noise and calls for help. When my phone rings, I grab it and run outside so I won't be distracted. I was worried about today because I was concerned about Laurel's anxiety and I knew Kellisa would be asking for her bus to take her to school. I was also worried about all the uncertainty in the world and how it will impact my career.

Laurel blew me away today. I could tell she was having some internal worries, but she stepped up and had a perfect day. She played a few video games after waking up, but then came down ready to do some school work. I was absorbed in the news and my work and snapped at her because I wasn't ready to help her. I immediately felt horrible and apologized many times. She even told me that she's moved on and not to worry about it. I still felt bad.

Laurel sat opposite of me at the kitchen table and worked on several math sheets we printed and she studied a new spelling words list and when I quizzed her, she was able to spell 8 out of the 8 new words. I couldn't have been more proud. Her behavior was also perfect. It can often be a challenge when she has her own anxiety, but she really stepped up today.

                                                                                                                                                                

Kellisa watching The Wiggles

I was still feeling bad and decided to join Laurel in the living room to watch some of her YouTube videos. We watched everything from make-up tutorials to people getting, let's just say unique ear piercings.

Hopefully, I learned my lesson that this is very hard on Laurel and I need to step it up myself to set a calm example.

Kellisa, to my surprise didn't ask for the bus this morning, so she probably thought it was just another weekend day. She stayed in her room all day watching The Wiggles and Hannah Montana while reading her creepy crawly books.

Since Kellisa is at the greatest risk, we are keeping her in her room and only going in to take care of her needs which includes pushing a few buttons every time she needs a new video. We also bring her food and give the tube feedings in bed.

Even though it was a work day, I was still hoping to get outside for lunch or after work, but for the third day in a row, it was a miserable day outside filled with rain, wind, and cold.

I really hope we turn the corner tomorrow....in more ways than one.

Day 2

Day 4

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Day 2: COVID-19

Today was another cold, windy, and rainy day which prevented us from going outside in nature, but thankfully the beauty came to us. While I'm very happy with how the above picture turned out, it doesn't do the double rainbow we witnessed from our backyard this afternoon proper justice.

Like probably most churches, ours was closed today. Laurel was worried her musical rehearsal would also be canceled because all gatherings and meetings on church property have been canceled through the end of March. Fortunately, the musical director graciously offered to open her house to host the rehearsal for everyone who wasn't showing any signs of sickness. Laurel was excited to go for 2 hours and she asked Lisa to stay with her to help. The rehearsal went long by 45 minutes and Laurel enjoyed every second. Laurel spent most of her remaining hours singing and practicing her parts on the couch in our living room.

Thanks to my friend, Joshua Nordstrom (owner of Tierra Tile in Homer, Alaska), we have a freezer full of wild caught Alaskan Salmon. Lisa took a frozen filet out yesterday to cook for tonight's dinner. We said a little extra prayer before dinner for what every one in the world is facing right now. We made sure all electronics were turned off so we could enjoy a quiet and peaceful meal.

Salmon, rice, and artichoke hearts

Chris and Joshua in Homer, Alaska

Day 1 - Coronavirus Spring Break

Day 3

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Day 1: COVID-19

We survived. It felt like a regular Saturday with everyone home and doing there things. Kellisa spent the day watching music videos in her room, Laurel playing her video games, and Lisa keeping the family and house functioning. I'm not sure what I did, but I remember walking the dog, taking boxes to recycling, helping Kellisa, reading a book, spending time on my computer, and I even went to the grocery store. 

I had set a goal to get outside at least once a day while the kids were home from school. I want us to take the time to see the beauty around us and breathe some fresh air. Sadly, we didn't get outside as a family. It rained all day, which isn't a plan buster by itself, but it was cold (50F) and windy all day, so we stayed inside.

Lisa made three amazing meals which makes being trapped in the house a million times easier. 

Dinner

After dinner, the girls wanted some sister time. Yes, they can drive each other nuts at times, but at the end of the day they love each other. They sat together on the couch for over an hour and the giggle far outnumbered the little pushes or feet in the face shenanigans of sisters.

After the girls went to bed, I decided to venture out to the grocery store. I wanted to grab a few items, but mostly wanted to see the aftermath of Saturday stockpiling. We don't have supplies to survive years or even months, but I think we'll be OK for a few weeks.